Detaching From Anxious Attachments
Sep 21
/
Van Moody
Have you ever heard the term anxious attachment? Unless you happen to work in the mental health field, you probably haven’t heard the term, though most of us are familiar with people who go overboard seeking validation. We know those who require lots of attention, who aren’t happy unless they are the center of attention. We recognize people who are super clingy in their relationships. All these types describe anxious attachment.
Many people struggle with anxious attachment because at critical times in their growth and development, they were abandoned or the victims of inadequate care (not loved properly). The result is a profound lack of security in their hearts, and, in turn, they attempt to overcompensate (attention-seeking, clingy, going overboard). Many people are affected by the issue of anxious attachment, and the good news is God addresses it in His Word. Take a few minutes and read Genesis 29, the familiar story of Laban, his two daughters, Leah and Rachel, and Jacob. In verses 16–20, we see the sisters described. We also see Jacob’s love for the younger sister, Rachel, because of her beauty, while Leah is described as having “weak eyes.” Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, saying those years “seemed like only a few days” because of his great love for her. On their wedding night (Genesis 29:21–23), Laban made the switch and presented Leah to Jacob instead of Rachel. Jacob consummated the marriage, only to discover the next morning that he did not have his beloved Rachel. Laban made the switch, but why did Leah go along? Leah had lived her entire life with rejection and feelings of abandonment, and she likely wanted to know what it felt like to be the object of unbridled affection, so she took what she believed would be her one chance at feeling loved.
Abandonment comes in different forms and creates the impression that the individual must do something to earn love. From there, anxious attachment arises. As Leah begins to have children, their names reflect her desire to be significant. First was Reuben – whose name in Hebrew sounds like “he has seen me” – she wanted to be seen! Second was Simeon – whose name means “to hear” – she wanted to be heard! Third came Levi – whose name means “joined/connected” – she wanted to be connected!
Leah wanted to be seen, heard, and connected. It is something we have all likely felt at one time or another. Maybe we’ve had our lives turned inside out, or our finances stretched too thin, or our identity challenged in our efforts to create meaningful connections. It is the reason we must detach from anxious attachment – exerting that much energy leaves our souls depleted – we shouldn’t feel like we must earn love. That is not God’s way – even He doesn’t require it of us. Let’s close this week and commit this verse to memory: “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). God offers us acceptance, security, an authentic relationship, and peace – we only need to repent and accept it!
Many people struggle with anxious attachment because at critical times in their growth and development, they were abandoned or the victims of inadequate care (not loved properly). The result is a profound lack of security in their hearts, and, in turn, they attempt to overcompensate (attention-seeking, clingy, going overboard). Many people are affected by the issue of anxious attachment, and the good news is God addresses it in His Word. Take a few minutes and read Genesis 29, the familiar story of Laban, his two daughters, Leah and Rachel, and Jacob. In verses 16–20, we see the sisters described. We also see Jacob’s love for the younger sister, Rachel, because of her beauty, while Leah is described as having “weak eyes.” Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, saying those years “seemed like only a few days” because of his great love for her. On their wedding night (Genesis 29:21–23), Laban made the switch and presented Leah to Jacob instead of Rachel. Jacob consummated the marriage, only to discover the next morning that he did not have his beloved Rachel. Laban made the switch, but why did Leah go along? Leah had lived her entire life with rejection and feelings of abandonment, and she likely wanted to know what it felt like to be the object of unbridled affection, so she took what she believed would be her one chance at feeling loved.
Abandonment comes in different forms and creates the impression that the individual must do something to earn love. From there, anxious attachment arises. As Leah begins to have children, their names reflect her desire to be significant. First was Reuben – whose name in Hebrew sounds like “he has seen me” – she wanted to be seen! Second was Simeon – whose name means “to hear” – she wanted to be heard! Third came Levi – whose name means “joined/connected” – she wanted to be connected!
Leah wanted to be seen, heard, and connected. It is something we have all likely felt at one time or another. Maybe we’ve had our lives turned inside out, or our finances stretched too thin, or our identity challenged in our efforts to create meaningful connections. It is the reason we must detach from anxious attachment – exerting that much energy leaves our souls depleted – we shouldn’t feel like we must earn love. That is not God’s way – even He doesn’t require it of us. Let’s close this week and commit this verse to memory: “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). God offers us acceptance, security, an authentic relationship, and peace – we only need to repent and accept it!
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