Last week, we talked about God’s expectations for our relationships and saw how our connections can make all the difference. This time, let’s look at the common denominator in our relationship reset. In math, we know the common denominator of any fraction must be a whole number, but did you know this rule also applies to us? We are the common denominator in the success or failure of any relationship we have, and that means we must be whole. Wholeness means we must look inside before we look outside. It means we must be the right person before we find the right person, or we will sabotage ourselves. Take a moment to read 1 Samuel 13:7b–14. Here we see an example in the tragic story of Saul, who blames his disobedience on the actions of those around him. His relationship with Samuel was falling apart because of his focus on others and his lack of self-awareness.
We need to see ourselves clearly. We must be self-aware, or we will self-sabotage. We must demand honesty from ourselves to avoid self-deception. If we think about it, we all know the easiest person to deceive is ourselves. We believe whatever we tell ourselves. We all have blind spots, so how can we see ourselves clearly? It starts by being honest with ourselves, even about traumatic or triggering experiences. Our behavior is often reactive. Our experiences shape us. Trauma impacts us profoundly. Each of these show up in our lives and relationships, but we cannot let them control us. We must confront the negatives to control them and not let them define us. In Romans 12:3, we are instructed, “Don’t think that you are better than you really are. You must see yourself just as you are.”
We must acknowledge any difference between what we say and what we do. Most of us are quick to speak and slow to listen, the opposite of what the Bible teaches us. In doing so, we can’t recognize the discrepancies between what we say and do. When our words and actions aren’t consistent, it is a sign we do not see ourselves clearly. Matthew 5:37 reminds us, “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Doing so is acting with integrity, and the substance of our hearts is expressed in our actions.
Let’s take the time to examine our words and actions this week. The more honest we can be about ourselves, the better we know ourselves, and the better equipped we will be for any relationship. Sometimes we need to invite a few trusted friends, who will speak with candor, love, and grace, into the process to see the truth about ourselves. May we, this week, begin to see ourselves clearly so that we can show up authentically and be our true selves in our relationships with others.